SFeavesdropping

intimate observations of the San Francisco Bay Area

Anyone who doesn’t have a great time in San Francisco is pretty much dead to me.
Anthony Bourdain

"Who on This BART Train Hasn't Stolen From Target?"

Amazing rant overheard in San Francisco. From SF Weekly

Ranters: Twentyish guy in a tie and sharp pressed pants; young man in crisp oversized white T-shirt, resting with his legs up on the seat across from him.

Time: A bit after 7 p.m. on a Thursday

Location: Pittsburgh/Bay Point Train leaving Montgomery Station

Topics Covered: The benefits of a career in banking; lax security at big-box retailers; how public transportation might best the getaway car; the high price of train rides.

[Guy in Tie boards, pecking at his iPhone. He breezes toward the back of the car, but he is recognized by several young guys, including the fellow with his legs up.]

Legs-Up Fellow: Have a seat, my brother! You’re dressed up!

[Guy in Tie slides iPhone into his pocket. Something like embarrassment wells in his face, but he swallows it back.]

Guy in Tie: Just got off work. I got a job at a bank.

Legs-Up Fellow: Shit, a bank? You going to hook me up?

Guy in Tie: I can talk to someone. You good in an interview?

Legs-Up Fellow: No, hook me up. Like, a roll of quarters or some shit.

Guy in Tie: I’m in training, so I can’t touch nothing. But I see money all day long. A couple days back, I saw a million. But that shit’s on lockdown. They’re serious. I’ve been security, at Target, and this shit is real. Target wasn’t. You should look there. All you do in there is watch some training videos four hours a day, and then you watch people walk out with shit. I’m serious! The law says even if you see them taking something and then walking out of the store, all you can do is ask them to put it back. You can’t touch nobody!

Legs-Up Fellow: What do you do if they just keep walking?

Guy in Tie: You get their license plate and call it in. Like the PD gives a shit.

[Everybody laughs, including a heretofore silent friend of Legs-Up Fellow.]

Legs-Up Fellow’s Friend: What if you ain’t driving?

Legs-Up Fellow: Then you got yourself some new shit. Just head on over to BART. I bet everyone on this [train] just walked out of Target with shoes and iPhones.

[They laugh, but Guy in Tie looks pained.]

Guy in Tie: But you still have to pay for BART. Shit’s expensive. This ride’s my last four dollars, and I don’t know how I’m getting in tomorrow. But, fuck it. I don’t want no Target shoes anyway. Why you think I quit? I’m getting me some banker’s shoes.